Love Dare - Day 11

I know I skipped a week or so in this whole dare thing, but I am back into it and will keep going as consistent as I can.

Love Dare Day 11 - Love Cherishes
This chapter is one of those that I highly agree with and it really speaks to me. It talks about considering the person you married as part of your own body, like the Bible urges us to. If you broke your arm, you are not going to cut it off, because it is broken, but instead, do everything you can to make sure it heals. When you are married, your spouse becomes a part of you, when you are happy so are they, when they are hurt, so are you. The problem comes when we all come to a painful realization that the person we married is far from perfect. So why in this culture is the marriage treated like it is an object that you own, say a car - if you don't like it anymore, if it is broken, just replace it by a newer model? So many sources nowadays state that you should kick the broken one out of your life to open room for something better that awaits you down the road... Shouldn't broken marriage be carefully nursed back to health?
The book urges to not let the culture around you determine the worth of your marriage. Instead, your marriage should be a picture of love between two imperfect people who choose to love each other regardless.

I highlighted "with the smile" because I will do anything for my husband, but sometimes I strugle with doing it with a smile. If he asks me for a favor at an unconvinient time, or something I really dread doing, I tend to have a problem with just doing it. I want to do help him, but I have hard time hiding the fact that I am not happy about doing what I have to do to help him. It is work in progress...

Love Dare - Day 9 and 10

Day 9 - Love Makes Good Impressions
This chapter talks about the importance of greeting each other with love throughout the day. Somehow I alway knew it was important. I almost always run to the door when Jenya comes, or make sure I give him a goodnight kiss - things like that are little but matter a whole lot to me. That of course doesn't include the days we are not on the same page. The book, however, encourages to ALWAYS greet each other with a kiss of love.

I do that one every day, so I gave myself a pat on the back. :)

Day 10 - Love is Unconditional
This was a deep one for me. It talks about a love different from friendship or intimacy with your spouse (although those things are important). It talks about the love that you can't fall out of no matter what changes come your way (not counting some extreme ones I guess, but that is not what it's talking about). The book also suggests that of course those who fall in love with how their spouse looks, or acts, or what they do are more likely to fall out of love with them at some point because people change, but unconditional love never fails. The book also suggests that a person who fell in love for the wrong reasons can be restored and redeemed, and their love can be rebuilt. That kind of rebuilt love often is stronger in friendship and intimacy too! What good news! However unfortunately many choose not to fight for their love... So how can one love unconditionally? The answer is they can't. Only God can. But the person can let God love through them, and that is unconditional love through acceptance of God and through preyer.

Before I even have read this challenge I was planning to take my husband on a date (this idea is perfect! It is so much fun to plan these things! Why is this considered a guy thing? why do guys get all the fun?..) I am, however it would have to be somewhere after Christmas due to various arrangements. But I will be sure to share!

Love Dare - Day 8

I am over a week now! It took me more than a week to complete this week of dares, but I am obviously not perfect, and since this is my blog, and I am really doing it for my own pleasure more than anything, I don't feel too bad about it...

Day 8 - Love Is Not Jealous
This one I think I'm ok with. Now what book talks about is not the kind of jealousy where you upset and concerned that your spouse is cheating on you or something like that, but when you are jealous of your spouses achievements, possessions, or things of that sort. It basically says that you are one with your husband/wife and you should celebrate with them, not compete against them. I think this might be the only thing I actually have no problem doing... Just because we are very close and share everything. But I figured, I wouldn't skip it and still do the dare, so here it is...

Love Dare - Day 7

So I took one more day to try and do the dare from Day6 and it turned out better, possibly due to the fact that we only saw each other for part of the day... So I gave myself permission to move on to the next day...

Day 7 - Love Believes the Best
This chapter is amazing! It talks about two rooms in our heart the Appreciation room and the Depreciation room. One is full of great memories, things we like in our spouse, things we appreciate. The other one is full of hurt, embarrassment and even hate, in this room we plan our next plan of attack, and even ask questions like "did I marry the right person?". Staying in this room destroys marriages. Yet we so often run to that room when we are hurt by our spouse. The book makes it very clear: love knows about this room, it doesn't deny the fact that it exists, but it chooses not to go there. The only reason you should glance in the Depreciation room is to know how to pray for your spouse. And the only reason you should ever go in this room is to write "COVERED IN LOVE" in huge letters across the walls.
Amazing, right? I know exactly what they are talking about! I would highly recommend to anyone to purchase this book and read in more detail.
So here is the dare...

I made my list, and neither of the categories were hard to fill...
Positive:
1. Long eyelashes
2. Beautiful eyes
3. Very manly
- doesn't speak a lot
- takes responsibilities
- has strong core
- is strong physically
4. Funny
5. Kind
6. Honest
7. Genuine (never tries to appear something he is not)
8. Caring
9. Patient
10. Loving
11. Tactful

The negatives I will keep to myself for now... But there weren't as many as positives.

Making this list just confirmed what I already concluded some time ago. He can be difficult, but things that I fell in love with, go hand in hand with the ones I am not so crazy about. He is a perfect example of my understanding of what a man in an image of God should be and his stubbornness and lack of flexibility, and the fact that he doesn't share his feeling as much, and doesn't write me poems is a part of his manliness... I don't know if it makes sense at all...
I forgot about the dare and complimented my husband on how caring he is and on his beautiful eyes, so I guess that counts.

Love Dare - Day 6

Day 6 - Love is Not Irritable
"Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive" Love doesn't get angry or hurt unless there is a legitimate and just reason in the sight of God. We need to exercise emotional self-controll. Some of the reasons that contribute to irritability, the book describes are stress, selfishness, lust, bitterness, greed, and pride. I think mine are stress and pride... A lot of both. The problem is, I honestly do not think it would be possible to lessen amount of stress in my life until I am done with school. I just hope that it will in fact lessen after that, because God knows I can't take it anymore! So here is the dare...

I will be honest, my heart is not in it today. I am miserably sick, I don't get as much care from my husband as I wish I would have (let's just say that at 10pm he suggested we work around the house... Making me feel that I am lazy for not cleaning the mess that our house have become, which is the one thing I always feel when I allow myself any rest...) Don't get me wrong, he doesn't completely ignore my sickness, I am sure he does everything he can, but I can think of at least five things I would have done if he would be sick (and in fact did every time he would get sick) that he is not doing now that I am sick... This phrase alone stands against everything I've learned so far about love... So obviously I am not exactly the patient kind right now. Rather self-centered, sick-of-this-whole-thing type of person. I feel like I am at the self-pity stage and the fact that I have six finals in the next three days does not help the matter. So I failed at this one today. I did pretty good in the morning but it all went down hill from there. I am contemplating trying it again tomorrow or moving on to the next one while still trying to do this one... We'll see how I feel tomorrow...

Love Dare - Day 4 and 5

I know I fell behind on Day 4 and that is a bit sad, but with this week being final clinical week for me, I was beyond stressed out and exhausted. I did two more dares but didn't have time to post about them, and then I skipped a day all together. I set down to read that chapter and half way through, realized that I have no idea what I just read, and that was no way of doing it, so I gave myself a break... Well, here are the two days I did do - day 4 and 5.

Day 4 - Love is Thoughtful
"Love thinks. It is not a mindless feeling" the book says. It then goes on describing how we think about our spouse all the time when we first start dating. We are preoccupied with what they are thinking and what they are wearing. But then as time passes, we start to get used to each other and think less about our loved one. If we don't invest thought into our marriage, we end up missing out on it all together, instead of savoring every moment, we end up missing the important things in each other's lives. Being thoughtful in love involves planning their birthdays, composing their daily meals, and even as simple as wondering where they are and what they might think or need at this moment. So here is the dare...

I will say that I was at school all day and only remembered to do it late in the afternoon. I caled and Jenya was working so he couldn't talk much. Goes to show that some of these things just depend on what you are doing at that moment - let's face it our lives are hectic right now, but it also opened my eyes to the fact that sometimes we need to stop and remember each other.

Day 5 - Love is Not Rude
This one is right up my alley, and I will explain why in a second. This chapter talks about some of our behaviors that might embrace our spouses in public. Particularly about being rude in one form or another. King Solomon said: "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife" (Psalm 112:5) Quarrelsome? - I had to look that one up. It means prone to starting dispute or complaining... Ouch! I think that is me... Especially when I'm stressed, tiered, or annoyed - and that is now. I think this is the one thing I want not to be, and I am. I also am pretty sure that that is the major thing that my own husband dislikes in me. That is a pretty serious subject. So here is the dare for day 5...

I asked him, and he said that he doesn't know three things, but he definitely knows one - he hates when I start arguing with people about anything. He says I snap at people when I disagree with them. He also said that even if I don't share their point of view, I should avoid the argument. I knew he would say that because we have been in that situation before... And I know I embarrassed him. How about that. That is a lot to think about and work on. Because I think he is right.
I will be honest, I already get discouraged sometimes, because changing yourself is not as easy as saying "ok, I'm gonna do it!". It is definitely a first and very important step, but I fail so many times, it seems impossible. Here is something I thought about in church today... Being in an academical program that is way over my mental and physical capacity, taught me to rely on the "miracle" or God. And He delivers every time. So if this task of changing myself is way over my capacity, why not rely on a miracle there too. So I ask You, God, today, You are all-powerful and You are capable of anything, so please, help me change my heart, break me and rebuild me, because I don't want to be quarrelsome, I don't want to be rude, I don't want to embarrass my husband! And let any change made in me be not due to my strength or determination, but to glorify You!

Love Dare - Day 3 Love Is Not Selfish

Day 3 - Love Is Not Selfish

We love someone and expect them to make us happy, but our expectations are selfish and selfishness is the opposite of love. We are all selfish but love "does not seek its own" That means that we should stop counting hours we spend caring for our loved ones just as we should stop counting money and time that our loved ones spend on themselves - love is seeking ways to say YES.
What would my life be like if my priority was his happiness? There is this Russian poem that I really like and it translates about as this:
I will knit you a life from soft and colorful yarn,
I will knit you a life and gift it to you with love
Where do I get the yarn for this gift, it is a secret
I am secretly unraveling my own life...

It sounds a lot better in Russian, but you get the idea...

So here is what I did, I got him shoelaces. It sounds funny when I say it but he hasn't been wearing his winter shoes because the shoelaces on them got ripped, and he didn't know where to get them. So I found them for him.
It felt good secretly putting them in his shoes and then I left a little note on top...
Well he didn't notice it at all, looked right at it and didn't see. When I pointed it out, he said thanks and that was it. I understand that it is nothing big, but I showed that I was thinking about him. He didn't really care.
This is getting harder and harder. It is actually hard to do something for someone every day when they barely notice you or what you do at all...
But that is precisely the point of this dare, isn't it.

Love Dare - Day 2 Love is Kind

Day 2 - Love is kind

Well, it was a bit difficult to figure out what to do as I am literally in school all day, but I got up earlier and made us a breakfast. Nothing big just eggs with sausage and mushrooms and some hot tea. He ate it quickly cause he was late to work, but he is still upset with me for something. I'm not even sure what now... But it's ok, the amazing thing is that I don't even care if he is nice or mean, I just love him the way he is at the moment. I hope this feeling will continue growing. Of course I know that he at some point will forgive me and will be back to his own loving self. So far so good, I think. And I didn't say anything bad to him today either, but then again, we have not spent that much time together either...

Love Dare - Day1 Love is Patient

Yesterday I watched this movie called Fireproof that is although not Hollywood, impressed me very much so! It is about a married couple that was falling apart and both of them were done and ready to divorce, they were full of anger and disappointment, until one of them took a challenge from his dad to do what is called Love Dare - it is a 40 day progression of dares to improve your ability to love your spouse based on God's example of His love for us - unconditionally. In the end they both come to find Christ and save their marriage.
Although our marriage is not falling apart, I just know this time comes in everyone's life at least once, to me, divorce is never an option, so I got really interested in this book, because I want to learn to love my husband unconditionally, allowing him to be the imperfect human, we all are.
So I went out and purchased the Love Dare book today. It explains every dare and then gives you that dare - one a day for 40 days. And the very first page confirmed what I have discovered through my own experiences a while ago - it is a very common misconception that we should follow our hearts, but our hearts are easily deceived, so instead we should lead our hearts in the right direction - it is always a choice!
I feel like a lot of time is invested in my education and other interests, but my marriage is the most important thing in my life after God Himself, so how is it that I don't invest enough time into improving it?
So here we go... Day 1.

So far it isn't that hard, even though today is a perfect day to practice patience with my hubby as he is upset with me for something and is very rude to me, but I am in a good mood and rested so it's not hard. I know the time will come though when it will be tough to not respond, not accuse, not hurt back, but I really hope that God will help me teach my heart to be slow to react and anger!

By the way, if anyone is interested in joining me on this journey, please do so, and if you wish, share your own progress with me in the comments... I will be sharing a dare a day for 40 days, that is my plan anyways...