I am back!

Last time I posted was almost two weeks ago - my god! My blog is almost a year old and because of these last months before my graduation, I have already hit a wall with my writing and photography. But I want to be back. I am going to change my blog reading list, find some new inspiration, and continue my blogging journey.

Yesterday was my last day of clinic! We have one more not-so-hard week of school before graduation! Soon I will be an RDH (registered dental hygienist). Oh it is so hard to believe! You know what else is hard to believe - my parents are gifting me with a family seven day cruise to Alaska! My dream come true! Aaaah! Is this finally the time when I get rewarded for two years of hell?! I am nothing but grateful to God and everyone He sent my way to help me through this crazy time! 

I still can't believe I am done, but it will slowly sink in, bit by bit, and every time it does, I am just happy it is in private, because I start crying. Man, what an experience - life changing for sure!

So much is behind now, things it feels like I will never forget (and hopefully forgive some day), but even more is ahead! 

What might seem to be little things are now taking place, but to me they have great meanings: 

- I can now make coffee in the morning (I have the time!) 

- I can finally put the earrings back in (I was wearing them non-stop since I was 6 years old, they are my grandma's, and the instructors made me take them out for who-knows what reason, oh cause they weren't posts, or something, but now they are back in my ears!) 

- I get to wake up slowly, not jump out freaked out by the thought that I didn't remind my patient about our appointment.

I AM FREE is all that is! And it feels amazing!

Here are a couple of instagrams to catch up on these two past weeks of my silence...

I got a new phone - one of the graduation gifts from my Jenya!

I got my cap and gown! "Class of 2013" - you better believe it!

I journaled to get me through this mess!

And I sent invitations out for my graduation! I drew my own picture, scanned it and printed it out to washi tape it to pre made cards - BINGO cute invitations for under $10! 

We won!

First we were stressing out, because we had no idea what to do. Then we were crying because we thought we failed. Then we were crying because we found out we passed! What a day!

EXIT

In about 30min I am going to take my last clinical exam. I don't count days till it is over, I just know that I am very close and that it is scary! Like, less-than-a-month-left type of close. I just really hope that God walks me through it, because I feel overpowered by the significance of these couple of weeks in my life. I barely craft, I don't blog, I don't even read my favorite blogs anymore. I did start a journal, a personal one, just because I feel like these emotions are so hard to share, and I barely have time or emotional strength to analyze them, but I want to remember them, because at the end it will all work out and I want to remember how scared I was and how God just made it all work.

О будущем

О будущем нимало не тужи,

Церковным людям не к лицу тревога.

Все будет так, как нужно для души:

Нет ничего на свете ближе Бога!

- Иеромонах Роман

Повторяю этот стих в голове как молитву. "Все будет так как нужно для души" потому что грядут тяжелые и напряженные для меня времена. Возможно после следующей недели два года моих трудов закончатся видимым провалом. Но сколько жизненной мудрости вместил Господь в это короткое время, а значит ничего не зря. Жизнь с Богом несравнимо легче чем без Него, ведь всему дан смысл, теплота, и забота. В ответ же спрашивается душевное усердие и любовь к Нему и смирение перед Его волей.

Spring Studying

The Spring is in full swing here in Vegas - we had 80'F for the past four days now. We are getting tiny new leaves on our little orange tree. It is hot, but bearable so I am trying to be outside as much as possible. I have one simple but unflattering task at this point - study for my regional board exam that I am taking in two days on Tuesday to get my license upon graduating. It is a big deal as I have to remember (or more like relearn) everything they tried to cram in our poor brains in the past two years. It is an eight hour test with over 300 questions and it is intimidating to say the least. So to try and make it a little less hideous and more pleasurable, I go outside as much as possible.
Yesterday I went to my mom's house and studied on their backyard basking in the sun and accompanied by Mia.

Today we all went fishing on Colorado river. It was quite a trip as we were forced to look for fishing license for three hours! (Boulder City doesn't sell them - so weird for a city built right by the water!) but at the end we finally got there, but didn't catch anything, still it was nice to sit by the water with a bunch of funny guys. Beats sitting at home for sure!

This lovely weather makes my life a little easier right now. Wish me luck for that Tuesday and for the rest of the semester for that matter...

Remedy

A couple of days ago the instructors in my dental hygiene program killed the last hope and strength I had. I really don't think this is a good place to go into details, but let's just say there was a lot of uncontrolled sobbing and saying out loud in an empty room what I would have told them all if I wasn't brought up to respect people. Oh man, I don't know why this had to happen to me now, but even though I don't feel like I deserve it, I have no choice but to trust God and to do my best to not let them break me. Luckily I have my amazing family to support me, and it took all of them to convince me that I am actually worth anything in this life, unlike my instructors are working hard to convince me... Anyways... What can I do but to go into my favorite yarn shop and buy uncontrollably until I feel better. Haha! Well not exactly, there is a project that I started spontaneously during these bad times, so now for the first time ever I currently am working on two knitting projects... It's a beautiful cowl that I found here, the pattern is not correct and there is no specification on materials so I'm just winging it. I got myself a beautiful blend of merino and silk in pink for the cowl itself, and silk blend in ivory for the lace.

I am not looking forward to the graduation anymore, and even less to the three months before graduation that I have to face, but what I am looking forward to is our Alaskan cruise that my lovely family is treating me to in the Summer when all of this hell is going to be over. Yep, I am so lucky to have my family, without them I would go into some deep depression or something.

from here

BAD

There is going to be no heart cookies for this Valentines... I saw them in the recent Martha Stewart Living magazine and thought I would make them, but it is not going to happen. Maybe I should start writing a blog about what I wanted to do, but instead went to sleep. Because I do feel very tiered, and would prefer sleep over cookies or anything else for hat matter most of the time... Oh, school, you wretched creature, leaching all my patience and strength out of me, please be over soon, because I don't think I can take it any longer...

This week - whining

This semester is absolutely exhausting! Every week I have to get out of my bubble in a whole new way - teaching kids in elementary schools, participating in various community events, going finding patients, talking to patients... What happened to plain lecture, sitting in class with a cup of coffee and a cookie?
Add to that the fact that the stress makes me vulnerable to cold and I got sick for the third time in two months! This had NEVER happened before. And the fact that I have to wake up before the sun rise does not help the situation. Oh and I now wake up at night and can't sleep anymore too, me, who never had problems sleeping!
Ah, you get the idea. God helps me, and that is how I survive.
Both Jenya and I are tired and angry. And we are being jerks to each other quite often unfortunately. This is the most challenging it has ever bin for me! And not being able to blog, being lucky if I even feel like crafting or doing anything at all after all of that, is very depressing for me. However I squeeze in bits of hand-making there and there. I try to treat myself to some lovely little things like magazines, books, or fabric to keep my spirits up. And tomorrow is our crafting club and I already bought the fabric, washed, and ironed it so it is all ready to be made into hexagons!
So that is my week of whining and here are some good things that made it to my instagram.

Enjoy YOUR winter!

Today was the last day of my third semester in Dental Hygiene program. It was a bit of hell, but it. is. done! Done, I tell ya! So what to do now?.. Well here is my list:
Read favorite book (The Hobbit at the moment)
Practice drawing
Finish some projects
Go Christmas shopping
Clean up the house
Eat hot chicken noodle soup
Drink hot chocolate
Bake
Cook
Go somewhere wintry
     -Make a snowman
     -Go sledding 
Take more photos
Get an upper back massage
Sleep in (!)
Hang out with my friends
Drink tea and chat with my mommy
Cuddle with hubby in the mornings
Listen to favorite music all day long
Admire our Christmas tree

Can it be true? Yes, MY winter begins! My lovely, cold, snowy winter begins! Today!

Impressions

I got to admit that although this school of mine is challenging and nerve wrecking, there are fun times and we learn interesting things. My favorite class would be our Friday's dental materials lab where we learn to pour impressions for study models and dentures, place fillings and make crowns - a bit more creative and thus up my alley.
Last week we were pouring impressions of our noses, lips, ears, and thumbs. We did it to practice, it is not usually done in dental office. Here is the result... I really like the results, could make an interesting art piece if framed, but would it be too weird if i have my own lips mounted on the wall?..

Roaring!

My God's not dead, He's surely alive, He's living on the inside roaring like a lion! But I forget about it sometimes. Tomorrow is my first day of Fall semester and let's be honest, I'm horrified. What if I don't finish, what if I have to go back, when I am so ready to move on, I don't know if I will be able to deal with all of that again!
I remember about six months ago I was sitting in my instructor's office and she was telling me that I am the calmest person in the whole program, she asked me why, and I asked her in return: "professor, do you believe in God?" to my surprise she replied that she does. Then I told her that although I realize that anything can happen and there are many things out there that can lessen my chance of finishing this intense program, I strongly believe that my God will take care of it in the best way possible.
Yes I did tell her that! And at that moment it was true. Not only was I able to have hope and be courageous but also encourage my classmates.
What happened then?Somewhere along the way, the pressure got to me and I gave in.
This paper with this quote, that I got from our church at some point, really spoke to me throughout last year. I even put it in my school binder and read it every day!

I feel that I gave in, but I am going back to my old ways! My God is absolutely amazing and he loves me with a roaring love. He will never let my life turn into something that is not meant to be. He has a plan for me! And all I shall do is try my best and see what happens!

Done!

I love freshly squeezed blogging. The kind that you do as soon as something happens, while the feelings are still fresh! So here is one... I just finished my summer semester of dental hygiene school - two more to go! Aaaand I just took my anesthesia injection test, where I had to administer 11 injections without any help or tips from instructors - and I nailed it! I am so proud of myself and my girls and boys! We came in just three weeks ago shaking and dreading every moment of it and look at us now! We officially know everything we need to clean anybodies teeth! Now we just need to polish our skills! And the greatest part - no more poking in MY mouth! In these three weeks I got 66 injections done on me! Oh my gosh! Is that real? Yes it is! And I am so proud of myself for overcoming this obstacle as well. I am ready to jump in! Bring it on!
Now I get two week break from school starting now! I think working on my projects and making my first chicken curry sounds like an agenda for today! So exciting! Thank You God for such an amazing day, for not letting my hands shake, for keeping my mind straight - what would I do without You!

Injecting hurts!

This concludes the third day of injections of anesthesia. Two more and we are done. I also got administered Nitrous today and it wasn't bad... As a result of this productive day, I am left with a bruised roof of the mouth and shaky hands. The good part is that I didn't get poked as many times as was suppose to and that literally made my day! Another thing that is going to make my day is hot chocolate and cookies, chicken soup, crocheting with Marsel and a good friendly movie. Finally something you actually are suppose to do on the rainy day, not get poked... Can't wait to get out if the clinic!

The good times...

I was looking through some old photos and couldn't help, but smile. All the moments of careless happiness and fun warm my heart. I feel like even two years ago I was more innocent in life in general. I feel like when my school started almost a year ago, all that responsibility, stress, studying, learning, physical exhaustion made me stronger, but also older. I am not even sure now if I can have that kind of fun.
Maybe it is because I just completed my first week of summer semester and my mouth is sore from getting 13 injections in one day, and I am so tiered mentally and physically. There is something about those blue scrubs that gives me the blues. I should snap out of it though, because I am obviously blessed to have this opportunity in life, and it is for the better and easier future. "Just one more year!" - I will keep telling myself!
For now... here are a couple of photos that make me smile...

I think all of these are taken by my friend Marsel (thank you for all the grate photos you took in our lives!)

An important turn in our lives

Today was the second day of school and the first day of anesthesia classes. I administered my first 4 injections! It is so scary to poke somebody with a long needle. I got to say though, it is almost painless (we practice on each other). It is the day I overcame my fears and with God's help it was surprisingly easy. This day is very important in my future career as I learned something valuable and complicated. The privilage of admnistering anesthesia is a long fought battle for dental hygienists in this country and I am thankfull to those who fought for this right so that now we can learn and practice it. From now on we will be poking each other twice a week all day... Haha!
We went to sushi to celebrate this and another little thing that I can't talk about right now (no, I'm not pregnant)... Sushi and bear - what a great way to relax after a hard day of work.

Let the second year of hell begin.

Yes, although I am on vacation far far away from school, I still have to practice my instrumentation and do a class online. I like the name of the class too - Pain and Anxiety control. Yum! Just what I need to relax during the summer! So starting from today my trustworthy friend - Sammy and I are back together. In dental hygiene practice is everything as it's important not to loose your motor skills. So here we are...