Friday, November 30, 2012

The last day of Fall

It is the last day of Fall...
And it is barely starting here in Vegas. But I am ready for winter. I am ready for this semester to be over, for our house to get repaired and cleaned, for the weather to get colder. I am also excited about going somewhere cold and snowy for Christmas.

Getting sick...

I think I'm getting sick...
The school is killing me, the stress is taking tall on my body, and now my throat is sore.
So tonight, I drink lots of tea with honey from my parents' in law beehives, watching Dear John (for the first time!), drawing a little (I think I like pencil a whole lot...), and starting one of my Christmas projects - it is from my grandma's old magazine, a nativity fragment that I am going to frame and put up for Christmas!

I just keep telling myself that I have two weeks left and then I will get to be myself for a month...

This song is on my mind today...

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

In my head...

In my house...

I don't think I mentioned that we got flooded by our upstairs neighbors almost three weeks ago and now our wall in the living room has to be replaces so we don't get any mold. Let's just say that my house is an absolute mess! Reminds me of when we just moved in...

In my bed...
Books lay untouched, I just can't find strength anymore... just two and a half more weeks and I am free for a month!

In my ears

I found my new favorite radio station... It inspires my heart to beat slowly and steadily, my mind to dream strongly and vividly...

In my head...
I found this Russian page on the Russian version of Facebook  and they have many interesting craft projects, but they don't credit their sources, so I am putting them here, but if anyone knows the original source I would be happy to include it here.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Little lamb

I made one a couple of weeks ago and was determined to make another one a bit bigger. I purchase wool roving in two colors that same week and started knitting, but what was suppose to be an evening project, got abandoned and turned into a two week project.
But today it is done! I had a few minutes today and just sat on the floor of my bedroom and finished it! Now my little lamb has a bigger friend. They both reside on my pillow and I am in love with them! They remind me of someone bigger and stronger having my back - be it God, my mom and dad, or my husband - and it warms my heart to look at them. I am the little fluffy and soft lamb and I have a few pretty, big, and strong lambs looking over me and helping me through life...
Am I too weird? Lol


These past two weeks have been a blur, an emotional wrack, a physical strain, and as a result, my brain went into self destruct mode (or maybe self preserve mode) and frankly I don't remember much. These two weeks have been by fare the hardest in my life. I lost my internal piece, I was on the verge of tears, I was freaking out. I did not have time to read my favorite books or blogs, I didn't even touch any of my crafts - I ate, I slept, I did everything I had to and that was all I was capable of. I'm not sure if it is over as I am writing this post when it isn't even Thursday anymore...
There are many things I want to write about here, but I don't have time or strength. To summarize a few - my semester is coming to an end and it is a wrack (as it is every end of every semester) it occupies every fiber of my reality making it almost unbearable, I only have time for myself when I have to write a paper or do homework (all other time is spent with the visiting family), I desperately need to tell my mom how hard my life is at this moment but I can't because she is going through a lot more now, so I have to tough it out like a big girl, my grandpa is not getting better and it still sounds surreal to me - and that is it in a nut shell.
Today is the day I cooked the Thanksgiving dinner for our big family of seven, because my mommy had to stay for another week with my grandpa in Ukraine, and I promised her that I will make sure we still have our traditional family meal. While it is a privilege to me, I was very nervous. The way I like to cook, or do anything else for that matter, is I like to challenge myself  and it was no different this time - for the first time in our family history we made a whole turkey (being from a different country we never baked anything bigger than a chicken and mommy always made turkey breast roll instead of a whole turkey, which is really yummy as well). I planned a traditional American meal that included cranberry sauce, sweet potato casserole, turkey with stuffing and gravy, deviled eggs, spinach artichoke dip, cauliflower casserole, Brussels sprout gratin  and more. It all came out very yummy and the turkey was moist, flavorful  and juicy. My mother and sister in law were helping me and it took us the whole day (12pm-7:30pm) to make it all. We ate it a whole lot faster than it took us to make it all. As we were sitting at the table, I couldn't help but think that if mom would be here, we would say our grace and thanks before eating, but because she wasn't we just munched on our food. I have been thinking about my thanks for the past couple of days, so here they are:
First and foremost I am thankful that God is with us no matter what. Through every struggle I feel his presence and support, every step I take in this life. Next I am thankful for my amazing family that keeps growing and getting stronger, they show such amazing support in everything I do and love me for who I am, yet guide me to becoming a better person. I am thankful for my health, that I am breathing effortlessly  because now I know that it is not a given. I am thankful that I have a home of my own, that I have an opportunity to become someone and be a student in the most prestigious schools of dental hygiene in US, even though it is a struggle, that I can dream about my future. I am thankful that my mommy is able to stay with her dad in such a hard time for him, that even though his health is diminishing  their emotions are raw and real, they have the most meaningful conversations and they both will never forget these times together. I am thankful that I am never bored, that I am at a loss for time, not for activity, that I love to do so many things and can do them almost every day. And lastly, I am thankful for the difficulties in life, because I become stronger and learn to be thankful for what I have.

 Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I hope you all had a heartwarming/belly-filling family evening!
Tomorrow at 8am will be my black Friday event - I am going to the Cost Plus World Market to see what sales they have to offer. After that we are off to a little adventure that includes a little town, quads, and my new pink helmet (thank you Donnichka)! Life is good, even when it gets a bit crazy!

Friday, November 16, 2012


Lately my life has dramatically but temporarily changed - my in laws are visiting and now it is five of us in the house instead of two. It is fun, but with school and all, I have no time to even check my e-mail, or read the Bible, or read up on my blogs, or craft, etc.
in return I get to come home and food is ready, I have someone to enjoy morning coffee with and have fun conversations.
Lately, our grandpa has not been feeling well at all and I don't even know how I feel about it all. One thing I know, is that I am relying on God more than anything now!
Lately there has been a lot of cooking, shopping, tea drinking, talking, and laughing in this house.
Life just keeps going, even when you feel like you don't have a grip on it anymore...

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Sunday Inspiration

Today I am determined to look for beauty around me.

This song made me tear up on my way to church today...
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is a piece in the middle of a war
If we try to leave, let the God sand Angels to guard the door
Love is not a fight, but it is something worth fighting for

After church I stopped by Starbucks to have them grind my coffee, and couldn't resist to treat myself to a very sugary breakfast - maple oat scone and eggnog mocha - yum!

Yesterday I made myself stop and spend a couple of hours knitting a little project I found on this creative and beautiful blog. As I listened to classic music and warmed myself up with hot green tea and coconut milk, this little lamb came to life... Fluffy and soft, I now am obsessed with idea to make a big one! Just need to find materials.

I am loving the little flower that Sonya and Mila got for me on this craft show they attended! I am wearing it everywhere  Thank you!

I am also finding beauty in organizing my clutter. Since my in laws will stay in my crafting room, I had to take care of all the clutter that had accumulated there. When I was done - it looked beautiful! I was also very happy to note that I have acquired quite an amount of high quality yarn - mohair, wool, cotton, bamboo, silk, and merino... makes me drool!

I am still in process of cleaning but I stop to read some inspirational stories from a Russian priest and a writer Andrey Tkachov. Here is one I really liked, and I am going to translate it to English:
The air is like God. It surrounds us and we don't see it. When we don't  have it, only then we realize how much we need it.
The sun is like God. It can warm up, but it can also burn. Its' fiery disc cannot be looked at without hurting your eyes. Every living thing longs to it. Every living thing consumes its' power. 
The sea is like God. When it is clear and calm it is like the tenderness of Big to little. When it is angry and stormy - you can't argue with it.
A man is like God. When he feeds his family and will fight for it. Also when he says little and smiles rarely.
A woman is like God. When she feeds her newborn and gets up at night when she hears her baby cry. When she is dissolved in her children and forgets to think about herself.
So many thing in this world are like God. Why are there so many atheists?  

That is it for now, but I am determined to continue looking for beauty in everyday life. It is the only way I can survive all this craziness.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Splotch monsters and pumpkin mocha - Friday craft club

Life is crazy around here. Too much stress at school, preparations for the in laws visit in two days, all the things going on with my grandpa, my mom not being here (need to make sure my dad has something to eat and someone to talk to), just life being life. So not much crafting going on around here.
I have this rule to not get all Christmasy until after Thanksgiving. But in my head I can't help but think about all the little decorations I want to make and all the holiday sweets I want to bake.
Overall I'm just too tiered to do anything, I come home and collapse. Many times I don't even remember how I fell asleep across the bed. But I guess this is what you have to go through to have anything worthy in life.
I was lucky yesterday to find time for our Friday crafts club. We had pumpkin mocha and drew "splotch monsters, an idea Mila got from a very creative artist Steve Loya. This was my first try at watercolor media. Sonya gave me these paints as a prize a while back. It was a fun night! I wish I could write more about what I am thinking or cooking or doing, but I feel numb and too busy to even have any feelings to write about. Soon it will be over, and I will go back to my creative self...
P.S. I wish I had snapped picture of Mila's creation, it was truly monstrous and cute.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Amazing Grace!

How many times have You heard me cry out: 
"God, please take this!" 
How many times have You given me strength 
To just keep breathing. 
Oh I need you! 
God, I need You now! 


 I want to remember this forever...
On my knees, crying my eyes out in the hallway, with my ipad in my hands, with an email from my mom. She is saying that what we all have been praying for for so long has happened - my grandpa accepted God!
 Oh, Lord, this is so personal, but this is my testimony - You are amazing, generous, miraculous, loving, forgiving, considerate, worthy, healing, redeeming, almighty! You do the impossible  for in the midst of hurt, sadness, and death you gave me and my family tears of joy! I will forever praise Your great name!
Thank You!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

The Hurt and the Healer Collide

I am  at a place where I am loosing a part of myself. It is like my world is shaking and a part of it has broken off and drifted away. I am still such a kid, and my hopes and expectations are unrealistic sometimes. In other words, I don't know the life. Just a week ago, I though cancer will never come near my family and now one of the dearest people is dying from it. Everyone who is dear to me is hurting.
It made me think, my grandmas and grandpas are getting older and older and I begin to realize that they probably are not going to be around for much longer. Only now do I feel that death is close to all of us and it is real!
All that plus strain and stress from school - and I am falling apart...
It is not a free fall though, I am falling in His arms open wide. Through all of this hurt, I see Him making it better, turning it into something good, leading us through it all in the best possible way. 

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Breakfast with a friend / Завтрак с подругой

In  the middle of all the crazy, it is as nice as it gets to, one day, wake up and not have to run somewhere, to open your eyes because the sun is in your face (not because the alarm is waking you up before it is even light outside), to lay in bed and plan your day, and to have breakfast with a good friend!

В дни, когда кругом идёт голова от полного сумасшествия, так замечательно в один прекрасный день проснуться и никуда не гнать сломя голову, открыть глаза от того что тёплое солнышко светит в лицо (а не потому что будильник верещит когда на улице ещё темно), лежать в кравати и планировать грядущий день, а затем позавтракать с хорошеи подругой.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Redrock Fairytale / Сказочный поход в красные горы

Once upon a time, last Sunday to be more exact, my mom and dad took me to hike at the red rock. Little did I know how much fun it actually is to climb rocks with red dots on them...

Как-то раз, а точнее в прошлое воскресенье, мам и Донни взяли меня с ними полазить в Рэд Роке. Когда я согласилась, то даже не подозревала как это на самом деле увликательно лазить по камням в красную крапинку!

Mom was a guide and surprised us with good knowledge of interesting places to go. We climbed to the top of the mountain that some call a throne mountain, we followed little streams of water, and had to squeeze in narrow spaces between big rocks...

Мама была нашим гидом и удивила нас своими познаньями этих мест. Ны забрались на вершину горы, которую некоторые прозвали троном, шли вдоль ручеиков воды, пролазили в тонких ущелиях между камнями...

Most of all, we enjoyed all the beautiful views!

Но самым захватывающим оказался вид!

As the sun started to set, we headed to what mom said was going to be a treat for me... and indeed it was! Out of nowhere, we stumbled upon a Fall wonderland! The trickling stream with many colorful rocks and all the red and yellow leaves around it were indeed delightful! Donny even took a drink of the water from the stream so tempting and beautiful it was!

Когда солнце уже начало заходить за горы, мама повела нас в место которое по её словам должно было мне очень понравится... И она была без сомнения права! Казалось что ни от куда, мы вышли в осеннюю сказку! Журчал ручеёк, вода стекала по множеству разноцветных камней, а вокруг - жёлтые и красные листья! Донни не удержался и даже попил воды из ручейка.

As the sun hid behind the mountains, the air turned quite chilly so we headed home. We walked just enough to see the sunset on our way back and a beautiful almost full moon.

По дороге домои, солнце уже совсем спряталось за горы, сделав воздух морозным. Путь до машины забрал достаточно времени чтобы нам показался удевительной красоты закат и почти полная луна.