These past two weeks have been a blur, an emotional wrack, a physical strain, and as a result, my brain went into self destruct mode (or maybe self preserve mode) and frankly I don't remember much. These two weeks have been by fare the hardest in my life. I lost my internal piece, I was on the verge of tears, I was freaking out. I did not have time to read my favorite books or blogs, I didn't even touch any of my crafts - I ate, I slept, I did everything I had to and that was all I was capable of. I'm not sure if it is over as I am writing this post when it isn't even Thursday anymore...
There are many things I want to write about here, but I don't have time or strength. To summarize a few - my semester is coming to an end and it is a wrack (as it is every end of every semester) it occupies every fiber of my reality making it almost unbearable, I only have time for myself when I have to write a paper or do homework (all other time is spent with the visiting family), I desperately need to tell my mom how hard my life is at this moment but I can't because she is going through a lot more now, so I have to tough it out like a big girl, my grandpa is not getting better and it still sounds surreal to me - and that is it in a nut shell.
Today is the day I cooked the Thanksgiving dinner for our big family of seven, because my mommy had to stay for another week with my grandpa in Ukraine, and I promised her that I will make sure we still have our traditional family meal. While it is a privilege to me, I was very nervous. The way I like to cook, or do anything else for that matter, is I like to challenge myself and it was no different this time - for the first time in our family history we made a whole turkey (being from a different country we never baked anything bigger than a chicken and mommy always made turkey breast roll instead of a whole turkey, which is really yummy as well). I planned a traditional American meal that included cranberry sauce, sweet potato casserole, turkey with stuffing and gravy, deviled eggs, spinach artichoke dip, cauliflower casserole, Brussels sprout gratin and more. It all came out very yummy and the turkey was moist, flavorful and juicy. My mother and sister in law were helping me and it took us the whole day (12pm-7:30pm) to make it all. We ate it a whole lot faster than it took us to make it all. As we were sitting at the table, I couldn't help but think that if mom would be here, we would say our grace and thanks before eating, but because she wasn't we just munched on our food. I have been thinking about my thanks for the past couple of days, so here they are:
First and foremost I am thankful that God is with us no matter what. Through every struggle I feel his presence and support, every step I take in this life. Next I am thankful for my amazing family that keeps growing and getting stronger, they show such amazing support in everything I do and love me for who I am, yet guide me to becoming a better person. I am thankful for my health, that I am breathing effortlessly because now I know that it is not a given. I am thankful that I have a home of my own, that I have an opportunity to become someone and be a student in the most prestigious schools of dental hygiene in US, even though it is a struggle, that I can dream about my future. I am thankful that my mommy is able to stay with her dad in such a hard time for him, that even though his health is diminishing their emotions are raw and real, they have the most meaningful conversations and they both will never forget these times together. I am thankful that I am never bored, that I am at a loss for time, not for activity, that I love to do so many things and can do them almost every day. And lastly, I am thankful for the difficulties in life, because I become stronger and learn to be thankful for what I have.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I hope you all had a heartwarming/belly-filling family evening!
Tomorrow at 8am will be my black Friday event - I am going to the Cost Plus World Market to see what sales they have to offer. After that we are off to a little adventure that includes a little town, quads, and my new pink helmet (thank you Donnichka)! Life is good, even when it gets a bit crazy!