For the past week I have been thinking a lot about friendship and marriage and relationships overall. Things happen around me that are good and bad - friends get married, other friends are in pre-divorce stage... I have such mixed feelings. I realize now that I really don't know life at all. I don't have too many friends that are married or divorced... For some reason I really feel for both of them - I am so happy for one and am hurting inside from another. Well to be happy for newly weds is normal, but what about people who messed up and are now hurting... Why am I hurting with them?.. And the feelings are so strong. Is that normal? I am happy with my own life and infinitely blessed with my own little family and the love God gave my husband and I for each other. So why do I bother about what is going on in somebody else's life? Why do I have such strong feeling and they are so mixed - anger, hurt, disappointment, fear for their future. Add to that confusion and jealousy because my friend is not living up to what I thought our friendship is... Not a pretty mix, right?
At our Friday crafting club today my mom and I were working on my wedding album again, and I was looking at out guests. As I moved from photo to photo, from friend to friend, from happy face to happy face, I began to count the couples that are not together any more - it was 90% of them! I was astonished! I think it shook my little world. I know how fragile the union of two hearts is, but somehow I never thought it would affect people of my age, my friends... I am very confused... Should I be feeling all those feelings? What to do when you really care about your friend who doesn't need you at this moment, or is scared of you because your marriage is not falling apart when theirs is and in their mind you are going to judge them... Am I judging? Maybe if I am very honest with myself, I am judging, although I very well know that everything I have is thanks to God only!
So here is what I will do... Put all those mixed feelings on the table in front of God and let Him take care of them. How easy it is sometimes to have our almighty, all-forgiving, merciful, all-powerful God!
And the things that made me happy this week...