I am stuck in my own silly head! And this time in a bad way. It has been a while since I did that, but I think I'm becoming more and more... depressed I guess, scared also, and definetely numb. I feel sick just thinking about going back to school. I am not ready for all the pressure, stress, and constant monitoring and evaluating. I am just not ready.
I also have been thinking even if or when I finish, what is next? I want to make mistakes, try things, move places, regret moving and come back... I want to get a big dog and think why did I do that, I want to be free to try things. But I can't. Because I have responsibilities. I wanted to be an adult so that I can be free to do whatever I want and now that I am, I have less freedom then I ever had.
So that and much more is going on in my head right now. Not good at all.
I'm sure I will come out of it stronger than ever, with more ideas, hopes and dreams. For now it is the little things I try to cling to. One of them being my mommy taking me shopping - what can be better right? Clothes makes everyone happier, and it sure gave me a little boost. The rest is going to come I am sure. I wish I could write about cold weather, hot tea, knitting, cozy slippers, and many other soft and cuddly things, and they are all there, I am just being real - I don't feel all that at this moment.
I am just going to take it one step at a time.