Thursday, January 17, 2013

Stuck -> Unstuck

I am stuck in my own silly head! And this time in a bad way. It has been a while since I did that, but I think I'm becoming more and more... depressed I guess, scared also, and definetely numb. I feel sick just thinking about going back to school. I am not ready for all the pressure, stress, and constant monitoring and evaluating. I am just not ready.
I also have been thinking even if or when I finish, what is next? I want to make mistakes, try things, move places, regret moving and come back... I want to get a big dog and think why did I do that, I want to be free to try things. But I can't. Because I have responsibilities. I wanted to be an adult so that I can be free to do whatever I want and now that I am, I have less freedom then I ever had.
So that and much more is going on in my head right now. Not good at all.
I'm sure I will come out of it stronger than ever, with more ideas, hopes and dreams. For now it is the little things I try to cling to. One of them being my mommy taking me shopping - what can be better right? Clothes makes everyone happier, and it sure gave me a little boost. The rest is going to come I am sure. I wish I could write about cold weather, hot tea, knitting, cozy slippers, and many other soft and cuddly things, and they are all there, I am just being real - I don't feel all that at this moment.
I am just going to take it one step at a time.

1 comment:

  1. You are very strong woman and you have big jump to make. It's scary and hard and takes a lot of guts. Everybody have this moments in they life, it's very important time you will be grateful to yourself if you will overcome. You can do it, my little brave girl and you have a strong supporting team. God be with you.